All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
