All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
