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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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