My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
