Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
