drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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