I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
