So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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