the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
