There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
