Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
