i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize