she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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