I'm really into asian looking animals
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Two words: blizzard sex
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
