Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
