I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm like, not good at living.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
