Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
