Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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