I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
