Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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