Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
