Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
