i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Where did you get a picture of my penis
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
