Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
