So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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