Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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