Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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