im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
