I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
