My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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