He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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