i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
