I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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