The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
