we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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