Where is the hickey?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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