He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
