His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize