Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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