Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
