Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
