I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
be right there i have to get my cape
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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