Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
