and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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