I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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