I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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