yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
