im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
