super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Girls should come with a carfax report
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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