i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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