My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
