why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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