i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
