btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
YAS. BRING CRAB.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
