my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
