I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
