I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
