I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
