Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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