You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
