did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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