well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
