You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
