Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize