Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
