Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he thought i was a dude.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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